A letter to my daughter
This poem first appeared in the Fall 2021 issue of Voices Heard, published by Claire O'Leary of the Empowered Voice Traveling Exhibit
How do I
Support you
On your healing journey
Tell you how sorry I am
Because I failed to protect you
How do I
Nurture and nourish our relationship
Make up for lost
Time trust conversations awareness
Connection care security
How do I
Process
The grief pain loss
Not live in the past
Wishing for a do-over
Find peace
When memories and old photos arise
And I find myself thinking
About the burden you were carrying
Alone
Scared
So young
For so long
What I would do
To go back and have you know
That I would be there
To comfort soothe stand by
Stand up for
Believe
You
How do I
Do this
I am so ill-equipped
At times thinking feeling
Convinced I cannot
I write you so many letters
That I never send
Have so many conversations
With myself
Preoccupation and angst
Can take me away
From the present moment
And being there for the others
For that I am sorry
Another sorry
For I can see that the abuse
Not only impacts you
And me
But so many others too
How do I
Practice what I preach
Approach what’s uncomfortable uncertain
Build an awareness
Transform the suffering
Find purpose
When I sometimes feel
Anguish desolation heartache
A breath away
I am tired of their company
But I know
That I too
Am a being in progress
So practice I do
How do I
Find the balance
Between worry and respect
You’re an adult
Responsible for your choices
Though you may not
Be ready want to or know
What help you need
Where to begin or how to ask
I have vowed to never be naive again
To not remain silent if when I see
The tentacles of the abuse
Infiltrating
Your behaviors
Mental formations
Health safety well-being
In ways that you may not yet realize
Is it my place to say?
How do I
Express convey
Let’s be honest — convince
That honest awareness
Infused with nonjudgmental merciful grace
Of the symptoms and influences of the abuse
No matter what they are
Are not signs of weakness
But the pathway of healing
Of gently embracing yourself
Of reverent honest safe love
Of breaking free
Of peace
Of opportunity
Of all the things you deserve
Are worthy of
And I believe may be
The things you wish for too
How do I
Encourage you
To find trust use your voice
To know that putting your needs
Boundaries health safety first
Will guide you toward knowing experiencing
Kindness empathy acceptance genuine love
To understand that respect love contentment
Are not measured gained sustained
By likes dress size hair color
Or compliments from others
Instead conditions of happiness joy
Abundant wholesome living
Are born from
Compassionate love of self
A celebration of self
Exactly as you are
How do I
Say this
I love you for who you were are will be
Yesterday today tomorrow
As I’ve said
This is a mother’s
Grief sadness trauma shock
At the change in plans
And trajectory of your life
My eyes have been opened
To a new reality
There was a parallel universe
A version of you that was living with abuse
And I had no idea
It can feel like we are
Reacquainting building a bridge
Connecting finding our way back
To each other
Grateful I am for this second chance
At love with you
How do I
Make you see believe
All the things about you
I know to be true
The intrinsic nature
And essence of your soul
Filled with
Light Possibilities
Hopes Dreams
Joy Love
That you are
Loved and lovable
Capable talented
Strong courageous
Intelligent creative
Kind tenderhearted
So many things
You have yet to realize
How do I
Reassure you
That I, as Maya says,
Wouldn’t take nothing for my journey now
For your truth has been set free my dear
And you no longer shoulder the burden
Nor walk this journey alone
Sure I may will stumble
At times feel weak and unassured
But I will never give up
Hope love commitment
To you
To us
Listening to and leading with my heart
Joy gratitude peace love
Will abound
How do I
There’s never a doubt
May you always feel know
That my intentions motivations are born of love
Encouragement support desire for your
Welfare safety freedom happiness
As you journey onward toward
Learning loving embracing yourself
How do I
Because
I want will pledge to
Always be here for you
My beloved child
Whom I carry in my heart
Compassionately tenderly
Respectfully lovingly
Gratefully joyfully
Sincerely,
Mom
As a little girl, my daughter would write me love notes and sign them “Sincerely”. One day I asked her why she chose that word as her complimentary close and she said, “Because it means you really mean it.” I learned of her incest abuse when she was 20 years old. This poem is a reflection of my journey, thoughts, and feelings. Most of all, I hope it is an expression of my love for her. No portion of this may be reproduced or reused without my prior, written consent.